Is your sales team going along to get along? If you answer yes to any of the examples below, you might have a sales team lacking the important emotional intelligence skill of assertiveness.
They meet with people who can say no but can’t say yes.
They write “practice” proposals because they didn’t establish and agree to clear budgets.
They jump through hoops for customers who demand early deliveries despite consistently placing late orders.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not facing a sales skills problem, you’re dealing with an assertiveness problem.
Assertiveness is a critical emotional intelligence skill for sales success. It’s the ability to clearly state your needs, boundaries, or recommendations without offending others or being overly aggressive.
And sales leaders, it matters more than you think.
Research indicates that assertive salespeople generally outperform their less assertive counterparts. Why? Because they know how to ask for what they need and walk away from what they don’t. Sales organizations filled with nonassertive salespeople are impacted in three different areas.
Sales Impact: Say What Needs to Be Said
Salespeople lacking assertiveness often default to people-pleasing behaviors. They hesitate to ask direct questions or challenge the buyer’s process. Instead of qualifying the deal, they cave to their need to be liked rather than focusing on the tactics needed to go to the bank.
An assertive rep, on the other hand, knows how to say:
“Peter, we get our best results when we meet with X, Y, and Z stakeholders. Without their input, we risk building recommendations that miss the mark. Can you help us set up those meetings?”
It’s respectful. It’s clear. It’s essential.
Personal Impact: Burnout and Blame
Non-assertive people say yes when they should say no. They overcommit, under-recharge, and along the way quietly build resentment. This leads to pointing fingers at others for the stress created because of their inability to speak up. Their self-talk is, “Everyone is doing this to me.”
Assertiveness allows people to take ownership of their choices, set boundaries, and stop playing the victim. The result is salespeople who are accountable and responsible for the consequence of their action or inaction.
Cultural Impact: Silent Sabotage
In meetings, non-assertive reps often nod in agreement — even when they don’t agree. The real opinions come later, behind closed doors. They gossip. They second-guess. They disengage.
This “talk-behind-the-back” behavior slowly erodes trust and transparency, replacing healthy tension with toxic resentment. Assertiveness isn’t just a sales skill — it’s a culture shaper.
What’s the Fix?
- Interview for assertiveness. In my book, Emotional Intelligence for Sales Leadership, I share several interview questions to vet for this skill. Here’s one of my favorites.
“Tell me about a time when you disqualified an opportunity because the prospect wasn’t a good fit.”
Candidates with strong examples know how to state what’s needed for a win-win partnership.
- Coach the fear. When you dig into the root cause for lack of assertiveness, you’ll uncover the emotion of fear. Ask your reps:
“What are you afraid of losing?”
You’ll often hear fear of rejection, fear of losing the deal if they ask for what they need or fear of looking selfish. Once the fear is named, it can be reframed with another question, “Is that based on data or your perception?”
Fill the sales pipeline. Desperation kills assertiveness. When reps have options, they stop clinging to every opportunity. When I was a brand-new rep, covering multiple states, I was driving all over the place, taking any appointment I could get. Once I built a solid pipeline, I was much more assertive about managing my time and commitments. Business continued to grow and my stress decreased.
Assertiveness isn’t pushy. It’s professional. It’s honest.
It’s the key to better deals, less burnout, and a sales culture built on truth — not tiptoeing.
Start developing this powerful skill with your sales team today. Your team (and your bottom line) will thank you.
Good Selling and Leading!
